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It was a cold Saturday, December 18 at 6PM. Liz and I were going to be married the next afternoon. We were walking downtown in Henderson, Tennessee, when I looked up and saw the courthouse. It hit me that I forgot to pick up our marriage license. Did I mention it was Saturday night?

It was a terrifying moment for me. Relatives from Texas had driven hundreds of miles. The cake was made. The rings were bought. The church was ready. Obviously I was not in charge of any of those things. Liz had even gone with me to purchase the marriage license. In preparation for the wedding she had only given me the job of picking up the marriage license.

It was a cold Saturday, December 18 at 6PM. There was a chill in the air, but the chill did not come from the temperature outside. The chill came from the young lady walking with me.

My failure should have been a warning to her, but apparently she had a learning disability. What she did next amazed me. She called the county clerk and had him open the courthouse and get our license!

The event may be different, but if you are married, your wedding also had a mess-up, a slip-up, or an up-oh moment. Over the years I have talked to many couples and never have I found one that did not have one. Maybe yours is an exception, but I doubt it.

Wedding ceremonies are not wonderful because they are perfect. Marriages are not great because they have are uh-ho moment free.

Marriages are successful because the two people in the marriage have learned to see past the past, live in the day, and embrace tomorrow. Your partner is not perfect. If he or she were then they would not have married you. They would have been looked for someone one who is perfect. In spite of that, “Husbands, love your wives.” (Eph 5:25) Wives, respect your husband. (Eph 5:33)

Do this even if he forgets the wedding license. If he did forget, then forget about the “up-oh” moment. Mine did, or at least if she remembered it, she never mentioned it again.

Lonnie Davis

A few days ago, my wife, my daughter, my grandkids and I took a short road trip. Okay, so it was a 275 mile road trip. When I take one of those by myself it is short. When you take them with a wife, a daughter and two grandkids, it is not so short. I had forgotten what it is like to travel with kids. On our trip there we stopped six times. The first time was for me to get money. The other five times were for kids.

The next morning I took the kids down for the free continental breakfast. I got food for each kid and then went to cook a waffle. I took it to the table. I went back to cook a second waffle. I got my food and sat down. I had to get up to get syrup. Finally I sat down to eat. I didn’t know about bathroom breaks during breakfast – another interruption. Finally mom arrived and I could eat.

What does that have to do with the title “Passages?”

Gail Sheehy wrote a book called “Passages.” In her work she says that life has many passages. As we grow we change. Life in our twenties is different than life in our thirties. Life in our fifties finds that we have gone through many passages. Life is different.

The wise man wrote, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.” (Eccl 3:1)

Life changes.

It is okay.

It is great.

Joy does not come because we are in a great place. Joy comes by enjoying the place wherever we are. Coming back it was just Liz and me. Going down we had six stops and lots of laughter. Coming back there were no stops and no laughter. I missed the stops. Enjoy wherever you are in life. It is all you have. It is the passage you are in. Savor it.

Lonnie Davis

The book got it wrong, men are not from Mars and women are not from Venus. Men and women are completely different species. Since we are so different, how do we learn about each other? The number one way we learn about each other is through marriage. Nobody really knows the person they marry. If they say they do, just smile and in 10 years ask them if they knew each other when they first married. The secret to a good marriage is that marriage is not about marrying the person you love, but loving the person you marry.

Along the journey of marriage there are many lessons to be learned, but I think I know what marriage’s first lesson is. The first lesson is this: “Your marriage is not your parent’s marriage.” I know, I know, the one thing you wanted was a marriage that was different than your parents. Whatever your intentions, when you first married you had expectations of marriage you learned from watching your parents.

I remember learning this in my own marriage. When I was a kid, money sometimes got tight around the house and even ten dollars could make a difference. When things got hard, my dad would go to mom and ask if she had any money hidden away. Amazingly, she often did. Mom had a practice of saving a few dollars here and there and then hording it away for a rainy day.

When Liz and I got married, I thought that is what wives did. We were both in college and finances were tight. The first time we ran out of money, I went to my wife and asked if she had any money hidden away. She did not look at me like I was from Mars, that planet was too close. She looked at me like I was from Pluto or maybe was Pluto. In her house that is not what happened and that is not what she did.

At the time I did not explain all of this to her, but I learned that she and I would have our own marriage. It turns out that it was better because it was ours. Through the years there have been many more lessons, but this was the first one. Our marriage was our own and would be what we make it.

Lonnie Davis

“God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never

will I forsake you.’” – Hebrews 13:5

A death in a family often gives a minister a chance to meet new people. When I walked into the house, there was an elderly lady sitting next to the window. I sat beside her and she told me her story. She had eight children and the funeral was for one of her sons. She added, “I have 33 grandchildren.” She paused and then continued, “I also have 33 great-grandchildren.” Seventy-four children! That is a busy life.

I teased her a bit and asked, “Do you know all their names?” She smiled and then answered, “Not only do I know off of their names, I know all of their birthdays.” She smiled again, “And I never forget a single one.”

She remembered all of her children and her children’s children, but I will always remember her. She reminds me of Isaiah 49:

“Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.”
(Verses, 1, 6, 15)

God never forget you.

In the 1960s, Jim Marshall was a member of the Minnesota Vikings football team. On October 25, 1964, Marshall scooped up a fumble and race toward the end zone for a touchdown. He ran for 66 yards and then jubilantly tossed the football into the stands. He had no idea he had just raced to the wrong end zone and scored a safety for the other team. From then on there would always be people who would remember him as Jim “Wrong Way” Marshall.

God does not treat you like a “Wrong Way” person. He does not remembers your blunders. The greatness of God is that he knows when to remember and when to forget.

When life tumbles in and stress is beating you down, when you feel forgotten, God remembers you. The phrase, “God remembers you” is found 73 times in the Bible. You are never alone. When I mess up and nearly destroy my own life, God forgets my mistakes and gives me another chance and another chance and another chance.

I love the selective memory of God.

Lonnie Davis

Have you ever seen a “Plate Spinner” on television? He or she will come on stage with a huge stack of plates. There are always several six foot poles sticking up out of the stage. The plate spinner will put a plate on the top of a pole and spin the pole. Amazingly the plate spins and stays on the pole. The plate spinner gets another plate and puts it on the second pole. Now there are two. The process is repeated and then there are three, then four, then five, then ten. None of the plates will fall as long as you keep the plates spinning. Eventually there are so many plates and so many poles that the plate spinner cannot get to each plate in a timely way. Eventually the plates start to wobble and fall.

Some people live their life with a plate spinner mentality. There is much to do and many plates that need to be spun. Plan this and do that. Go here and go there. Do this and do that. Yes. Yes. Yes. I will do it! No you will not. You cannot. Eventually the plates will fall.

For all the “Plate Spinners” here are four guidelines that can help you:

1. Think. Spend some time thinking before you do. “First sit down and estimate the cost.” (Luke 14:28). You cannot know you what the right thing is unless you begin by thinking thing through.

2. Prioritize. You cannot do everything. Life is about picking the important things. Do the less important things when you can, life is about priorities. Jesus said that not all commands should be given the same weight. There is a “greatest commandment.” (Matt 22:36). Unless you learn this principle the important things of life will be left undone because of the urgent things.

3. Follow through. Once you have a plan, follow the plan. There is an children’s question that asks, “If there are six men on a log and two of them decide to get up and go to town, how many men are still on the log?” The answer is six. Just because they decide to does not mean that they have.

4. Decide to get over the stuff you let go. Do not waste today’s precious time regretting the stuff you decided not to do – even if you made a bad call. We all make mistakes. Do not pile yesterday’s worry onto today’s agenda. Jesus said, Matt “Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (6:34).
   

Lonnie Davis

In 2009 Ms. Thompson was arrested for burglary of a children’s medical center in Torrance, California.

Hers is an unusual case for several reasons: First, because the burglar was a woman. By far the great majority of burglars are men. Second, because she was given three years for her crime. Too many people walk from such nonviolent crimes. Third, because she is eighty!

In explaining her crime, she told the court that if the she had more money coming from the government she would not have to steal. Wow! Her crime is the governments fault.

Unfortunately she is not the only guilty person to blame their sins on someone else. Here is the problem with her excuse: she was also arrested for theft in 1965, 1977, and for burglary in 1980, and 2008. Her criminal record started 55 years ago, yet this one was the fault of the government for not giving her more money.

She is not so different from most folks. When caught in sin we seek someone else to blame. It is the fault of our mother, our father, our husband, our wife, or whoever else we can find. Until we are willing to accept responsibility for our own actions we are certain to keep messing up.

Many years ago, a teenage girl in our congregation ran away from home. After about a week she came to see me. She told me how hard things had been. She told me that the only thing she did wrong was that because she was hungry and had nothing to eat she stole some food. In reality her excuse for stealing was a snow job. She did not fool me; she fooled herself. She did not steal because she was hungry and desperate for food. She stole because her pride was too great to call her family or even me.

We love to make excuses, but what we need to do is confess our sins and behave righteously.

After the 80-year-old woman was sentenced to three years she said to the judge, “I feel guilty for asking this, but is this a solid three years or is it just half time?” When caught she blamed. When sentenced for her crime she tried to escape the pain.

Don’t do that!

Lonnie Davis

In 2009 Ms. Thompson was arrested for burglary of a children’s medical center in Torrance, California.

Hers is an unusual case for several reasons: First, because the burglar was a woman. By far the great majority of burglars are men. Second, because she was given three years for her crime. Too many people walk from such nonviolent crimes. Third, because she is eighty!

In explaining her crime, she told the court that if the she had more money coming from the government she would not have to steal. Wow! Her crime is the governments fault.

Unfortunately she is not the only guilty person to blame their sins on someone else. Here is the problem with her excuse: she was also arrested for theft in 1965, 1977, and for burglary in 1980, and 2008. Her criminal record started 55 years ago, yet this one was the fault of the government for not giving her more money.

She is not too different from most folks. When we are caught in our sins we seek someone else to blame. It is the fault of our mother, our father, our husband, our wife, or whoever else we can find. Until we are willing to accept responsibility for our own actions we are certain to keep messing up.

Many years ago, a teenage girl in our congregation ran away from home. After about a week she came to see me. She told me how hard things had been. She told me that the only thing she did wrong was that because she was hungry and had nothing to eat she stole some food. In reality her excuse for stealing was a snow job. She did not fool me; she fooled herself. She did not steal because she was hungry and desperate for food. She stole because her pride was too great to call her family or even me.

We love to make excuses, but what we need to do is confess our sins and behave righteously.

After the 80-year-old convict was sentenced to her three years she asked the judge, “I feel guilty for asking this, but is this a solid three years or is it just half time?” When caught she blamed. When sentenced for her crime she tried to escape the pain.

Blaming and escape is human, but Christian must rise above this kind of behavior.

Lonnie Davis

A myth is anything that many folks believe and seems like it is true, but it is not. Here are four marriage myths:

1. If a girl does not marry by 24 she is going to be an old maid.

Currently the average age for marriage in America is 26.8 years for men and 25.1 year for women. There is only a 50% probability that women will have married by age 25. For men that age of 50% probability of marriage is 27.

2. Second marriages last better than first marriages.

The divorce rate for second marriages is higher than for first marriages. It is even worse for third marriages. I think this is because after exposure to divorce, some couples learn to run from problems rather than do the hard work of making things better.

3. More than 50% of all marriages end in divorce.

Statistics lie. If you have a group of 100 married women and only 20 of them have been divorced, but they have each done so 3 times, the divorce rate will be 60% even though 80% of these women have never been divorced. In truth the age at which you married greatly affects the likelihood of divorce. Women who marry at under 20, get divorced at a 27.6% rate. Women who marry at 35-39 get divorced at a 5.1% rate. Between those two ages, the rate decline with each age bracket.

4. Living together gets one ready for marriage and makes divorce less likely.

Hugely wrong! Living together is not like marriage at all. That makes as much sense as renting a car for a day and claiming to know what it is like to own a car. Two people living together do not own the relationship. In fact they have decided not to commit to the relationship. According to an article in the March 2, 2010 New York Times the experience of living together before marriage weakens the marriage. “The likelihood that a marriage would last for a decade or more decreased by six percentage points if the couple had cohabited first.”

Some myths are harmless, but these are dangerous. Learn the truth.

Lonnie Davis

Actually I do not call them sayings. I call them “WiseWords.” They are words so wise that we all should remember them. Here is one of mine…

“A luxury once tried becomes a NECESSITY!”

If you do not believe that one is true, then try to live a week without a remote control, or air conditioning, or a refrigerator. Of course you would claim that a fridge is a necessity. Exactly! Around the world there are millions of people who live with a fridge. You prove my point.

What is one of your favorite “WiseWords?” Leave a post and share it with me so I can tell others.

It has been a lifetime ago but I will never forget that Mia stole my grapes. It happened this way. When I was six and my brother was four, our mother gave us some grapes. He ate his, but I saved my till later. While I was busy with something else Mia, the little girl next door, slipped into our house and stole and ate my grapes. It crushed me. As a child I was upset.

You know what? I’m over it. You are thinking that since it was a lifetime ago I ought to be over it and you are right. One would think that all such old sins and grievances are over, but they are not. The world is filled with people who nurse old wounds. The church is filled with Christians who nurse old wounds.

How long should it take to get over old offenses? How long does it take for forgive? A day? A week? A year? A lifetime?

Jesus answered the question for us when he said, “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” (Mark 11:25).

When do we forgive? Jesus said to forgive when you pray. Most people think to ask for forgiveness when they pray, but Jesus said to give forgiveness when you pay. Your willingness to forgive when you pray impacts the forgiveness you will receive when you pray. Jesus said, “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matthew 6:14-15)

When wronged you must not let it define you. To burden yourself with old hurts is to let old hurts define it. It is a handicap in your life. It is a limp when you walk.

When we forgive others we give others the chance to begin again and again and again. When we forgive others we give ourselves the chance to begin again and again and again and to do so without the limp. If we do not want to limp through life, we will forgive.

So, Mia stole my grapes. I’m over it. Who stole your grapes and are you over it? For your sake I hope so.

Lonnie Davis