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Six types of fake apologies
1. “If” apologies.
You can recognize these by the use of the word “if.” “If” is usually a technique for ducking personal responsibility. If you hurt someone, you should apologize and change the behavior that caused the hurt. If you will not change what you are doing, then “I’m sorry” is just lip service and causes even more pain. When you don’t really know “IF” you have hurt someone, whether by accident or purpose, then get it figured out before you attempt an apology
2. Polite apologies.
There is no real substance to this type of apology. There are merely done to be polite.
3. Blameless apologies.
“I’m sorry you were hurt” is not an apology. It does not accept responsibility. I am sorry that so many people died in World War II, but I cannot apologize because I have no reponsibility for it. A real apology always accepts responsibility.
4. Appeasement apologies.
Some folks just apologize so they can appease another person and get past the preset trouble. An alcoholic is often very skilled at this kind of apology. They apologize, but not really changes.
5. Wham-Bam apologies.
This is similar to “The Polite Apology.” There is no depth to it, but rather just an automatic response. You might hear this type if someone accidentally bumps in to someone in a crowed hallway. It’s okay, but is not a real apology.
6. Tactical apologies.
When someone offers an apology just to accomplish some personal goal, then is a tactic to an end and not an apology.
Lonnie Davis
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