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I know, I know! You might be thinking that no one has the right to tell you that your apology isn’t genuine. You might even be thinking that you know your orn heart better than anyone. True, but here is a greater principle: You are not judged by what you say. You are not judged by what you feel. You are judged by what you do. A real apology is based on what you say AND do. Here are five ingredients of a real apology.
1. A real apology is always sincere.
Obviously! We all know this, but here is the thing – it must be obvious to a typical onlooker or else it is not obvious. You can tell it is obvious by the demeanor of the person apologizing. It is also seen in the behavior that follows the apology. Any apology that brings about no change, is not a real apology.
2. A real apology must contain the expression of “I’m sorry.”
If I tell you that I know I hurt you, I have only confessed. I have not apologized.
3. A real apology accepts responsibility.
This is one of the problems of the “If” apology. “I am sorry if I hurt you” is a faulty premise. You know you hurt me so why do you have the “if” in the apology? Even if the situation was not all your fault (it usually is not), do not change the subject. You can only apologize for what you did. Be an adult and acknowledge your responsibility. Makes no excuses.
4. A real apology makes any possible restitution.
Restitution is not always possible, but when it is, then a real apology always seeks to make the other party whole again. The wounded person needs to know that restitution is coming.
5. A real apology must be given by the right person and to the right person.
You cannot apologize for someone else’s actions. You can acknowledge them and that might help, but an apology must come from the offender.
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